ECG-CT-Blood and all that jazz… May 19, 2008
Posted by harlequin in Uncategorized.Tags: blood, calm, ct, deflating, dye, ecg, faint, far side, nervous, parasympathetic, system
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She loosened the strap, I looked away and focused on a Far side comic. A couple sitting in a car observing two lions in a field, unaware of another with its claw deflating the tyre. Ironic; I was deflating into seven vials of blood at that very moment, when the world became heavy. I kept trying to control the faint feeling, but the body responds differently to stress in that situation. I lay down and tried to calm, just breathing and relaxing.
After a while, I asked, what is the experience of a CT like? I didn’t enjoy it, she replied. Of course, I do get claustrophobic and the restraints make me feel uncomfortable. Restraints? Well they need to use restraints because you must be perfectly still for the dye injection. And what does the injection feel like? That is the thing that creeps me out the most, she continued. Some people say it feels hot, like a river of lava flowing through your body. Is it painful? Oh no, not at all. I was not convinced.
I lay on the bed awaiting the ECG. Oh, we’ll have to shave some of your chest to make better contacts for the electrodes. Great, I thought, faint and prickly, what next? Sweaty skin prevented the tape sticking (one sweats just before they faint – its a reaction from the sympathetic nervous system trying to cool down the body), so she had to use industrial strength tape for a better reading. Oh boy, now that hurt when it came off as with some more tufts of hair. She said goodbye and gave me a cup. We went into that.
Push and Pull May 12, 2008
Posted by harlequin in Uncategorized.Tags: broken hill, chopsticks, culture, factors, greece, greek, pull, push, sushi
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Steve was his name, he sat nearby in the food court killing time; I speared sushi. Having long mastered the parallel lines, this prompted discussion on the topic. I’ve never been able to use those things, he said. They’re too hard to control. How do you do it, he asked. With patience, I replied. Patience and a steady hand. Of course, a lot of it is luck too. We both laughed. He was fourty years my senior, though he could’ve easily been the same age. There was exuberance in his voice, the kind I’ve always associated with. He thought it strange that one could ride a bicycle and never forget its use, but fiddle with chopsticks to only resort to the fork. The brain, it was decided, is an intricate device to control the mechanisms of movement and yet, though some things we cannot master may be much easier for others to accomplish. To ride a bike, for example, there are many elements which enable the brain to remember instruction, visual information, sense of touch, sound, movement. All these elements can be traced back to the action of riding a bike. We were talking psychology and philosophy. That makes sense, he said. Well, I stated, we have the greeks to thank for the wonders of modern thought. He beamed, proud.
When he came to this country back in the 1950’s, he had dreams far beyond application in his home, south of Athens. The country was struggling to recover from the wreck of war and poverty became synonymous with his vision of the future. At the age of fourteen, influenced by the pull of the ‘Great Southern European Continent’, he left his home in Greece for the idealistic future in beautiful and bright Australia. The second world war hit the allies hard and those whom did return faced a short-fall in population. There was an excess in work and not enough souls to fill it, save those that died on the battlefronts of Germany. Like many other europeans, fitting the bill under the ‘racial discrimination act’, Steve sought to fill a position as with his countrymen. Having no idea what to expect, only the tales of opportunity the government spun, Steve arrived at the mining town of Broken Hill only to be crestfallen at the sight he beheld. Tin shacks, he told me, made from corrugated iron; not just the roof but the walls too. The town was shambled, not stately like he’d expected, not established like he’d accepted. There were pubs at each corner and after work, the men would flood the bars and spend their wage on the livers.
It was a rough place. The heat was exasperating, the work hard and tough. He did the best expected of a fourteen year old boy. They used to say ‘go back where you came from’ to me, he recounted. There was a glimmer in his eye. When he came to Australia, his luck nosedived, was his belief. He bought the lies spin-doctors prescribed as did many in his shoes. Although, it is impossible to determine if life had’ve been better for him had he stayed in Greece. He made a choice and picked a path. Whatever the journey, he looked content. It’s different these days, he said. There are a multitude of cultures and people are generally more accepting. This is true I said.
Are you Australian, he asked. Yes, I replied, with Irish roots. My mother was on the last ship exiting the Mediterranean through the Suez canal before it was closed due to Egypt’s independance. Her family came here with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Life wasn’t rosy as they’d expected, they owned and worked for a long time at the Esso petrol station in Colac, until my grandparents retired. There was no opportunity in Ireland in those days, Papa set out for better prospects and found those here. I’m glad he did.
We shook hands and parted, he was going back to Greece for three months, I was going back to my lunch.
Fleeting control May 4, 2008
Posted by harlequin in Uncategorized.Tags: ankle, bender, entity, inflammation, pain, sarcoidosis
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Last week was hell; total exhaustion. The previous Sunday spent trying to understand Least Squares Regressions and Transformations for the one class I missed due to complications to be mentioned next paragraph. Great question marks animated above my head when I tried to sink deeper into the equations. That offset Monday’s Australian History due to an apathetic attitude on my behalf. Following this was the Doctor’s recommendation to get my arse into gear and have the chest scan completed (I procrastinate way too much!). Tuesday’s effort at work felt good, I was energised because I took care of some issues on my ‘plate’ so to speak. Wednesday’s maths test was to create more confusion with mixed up IV’s and DV’s (apparently they’re different to Psychology); I worked my best, that’s all I can do. Thursday was fine also, no ankle pain, no chemicals swimming around causing problems.
This was all to change Thursday night, when the Doctor informed me that it is definitely ‘Sarcoidosis’, there are nodules in my lungs and further scans are needed ASAP (They will be taken this Thursday). I felt deflated when she told me about the chest examination and much as Special K tried to reassure me, I didn’t want it to happen. The ankle pain has flared now for over a year and started at one of my other workplaces – it was no-one’s fault – just another genetic flaw to add to my repertoire. If I were to look at it positively, I could say this: had I not damaged my ankle abseiling at the Grampians way back in 1990, there would have been no preemptive indication of this condition worsening and the important thing to realise: it is treatable!
This offset my whole thinking on Friday morning: no sleep, worried, over-analysing and feeling the growing tension in my shoulders. I forced myself to go to work, though really felt drained. I knew I’d be miserable the whole day (this was not psychosomatic, it was a perception of my current state). This was most certainly received and I tried hard to keep to myself, for fear of lashing out at my co-workers. It is difficult to know really what they think about me; I try to stick to my guns as much as possible, particularly my ideas on ethics: ‘honesty is the best policy’ has always been my motto. But lately I’ve started thinking that no matter how much you tell the truth, some people won’t believe you anyway. It makes me think of an episode of Futurama when an entity says to Bender ‘do what people want and they won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.’ I was going to write off my time sheet at 12pm so that I could go home and try to feel better, this didn’t happen. I took it home with me, to Special K. This furious desire to explore mountains and forests, but unable to walk long enough without flaring and crippling pain.
Still at least I have my writing hand; I thirst to write about people on the train – they are such interesting characters. Of course there are stereotypical derro-bogans bitching and moaning that life hasn’t treated them fairly, so they make others lives a living hell with their alcohol enduced fights and verbal tantrums. On the other hand, one could take the opinion that these people face hardship daily, real issues of survival and though many would have drug-related issues and dependancies; many others are likely to be homeless and jobless and from that perspective my problems are finite in comparison. If we all look down our noses at misfortune, it is only a matter of time until we face the same reality.